you enter in full blown technicolor.

i am sick

& tired

of self-defeating, depressed, emotionally retarded nice guys.

i'm done with it.

he'll willingly go to war, a war he doesn't believe in.

but he must believe in me less, because he won't stay with me.

i don't want to be in love. i don't. i didn't ask for this. i didn't want it.

the only time i want it is when i'm with him, & that's next to never.

there's nothing that can be done about that, i'm not asking for anything, don't expect it but i just need to say it.

i mean good god. he could care. he could. he doesn't. i hate that i care this much.

he thinks driving the distance is caring, & i'm not saying it's not. it's a heartbreaking kind of care that i will be grateful for forever.

but it's not...it's not deep enough. it's not close to running deep enough.

i'm so sick of listening to music. i really am. this past month everything is irritating me because i'm either happy or miserable. i don't want it.

attention from other guys is making me nauseous AND IT IS YOUR FAULT.

a week ago it amused me, but in the eleven hours you were at my house, now i don't want it. but i want to want it.

i just want to be myself, & you're pulling me so far away from that. honesty? HONESTY? what the fuck. emotional honesty. good god.

i'm just happy i'm still as fickle as ever. there is an excellent chance that by the end of the week, i won't feel like i'm in love with you. i'm really keeping my fingers crossed on this one.

before & after