i thought i only dreamt about writing this down, but then i found it in my room.

the sky's a beautiful color, & it's not because of god, it's because of machines. it's like my writing, oh well maybe the result is valued, what does it come from? human folly. our mistakes, our tragic flaws that ruin all the plays, & make our characters less likable. the greatest thing i ever wrote was because we couldn't get it together, because you'll never understand me. life after life we're thrown together in an uncomfortable situation, & every time you misunderstand my actions while being the only person that knows me. you never got it, never. the first go around you were the educator, sometimes things just don't work out. i know this was my fault, i couldn't help but bring us back. i had to ensure our souls, i don't know what comes after this, i just know we belong together. maybe if we'd just stop dying young, let's grow old together for a change, maybe have a family, maybe travel to all the places we lived before. remember when you resented it? how unnatural! to have nature messed with, leave your magic behind or keep it with you, just keep me safe from it. i gave it up, not so much as i didn't pick it back up. natural, alright. leave the magic to the gods, he said, alright, we'll leave it. remember when you took it for granted? that's when i left. blame me all you want, you never noticed. you didn't understand. what if we weren't brought back? now we're all messed up & distant, don't you see that loving me wasn't enough? it was time. but you'd rather mess around, because we had forever. so i left, a good man wanted to marry me. he didn't make me laugh. i left, raised a family. but i had to see you. so i stood, with my dress not hanging to my liking, cigarette under foot, you with your drink in hand, the blonde standing behind you. i didn't know why i came. i didn't know. but i was lost, & saw you as something that always found me at my worst.

before & after