life is tricky.

i need an outlet more than anything.

yesterday i realized that if i go a certain amount of time without singing, i end up screaming in an unplanned way that absolutely terrifies me. i've never screamed before. i mean, yelling words is entirely different from screaming. screaming is just sound, no words.

i haven't cried since before i left him. i tried last night but i just...i felt the need for release, but i didn't feel

i have no words to write. there's nothing in my head.

in fact, i'm starting to feel like there's nothing anywhere.

that maybe emotions aren't real the way i always believed, that maybe it's all chemicals & i will never believe in science.

but if i let that be true, i'm letting everyone down, including myself.

if i don't get alright soon...well, i don't know.

i just miss seeing my best side around.

before & after