you're raising the dead in me.

i think, mostly, the problem is my closet hypochondria. i'm always talking myself into some sort of fatal illness, convincing myself i'm going to die any day now.

now i've got this thing where i'm slowly, but really quickly going crazy. every minute that passes is a chance for me to develop severe schizophrenia, so far i've got everything but hallucinations. but i was driving & thought, "god, i can do anything." & i think i'm a little bit of god so i guess that makes me a little bit manic. i am obsessive compulsive. i am uncomfortable in close relationships. i try like hell & manage to fool everyone else, but i cannot for the life of me function in social situations.

my hands are shaking like crazy, some sort of chemical imbalance maybe.

but mostly, i don't believe in science. it's all a lie, but today, i was almost pushing myself towards some sort of crazy, i keep telling myself i'm teetering on the edge of schizophrenia. things were sort of spinning out of control, i mean visually, & i had to try really hard not to scream, just because i could, & he text me & i thought, "he'll save me" & i guess it was alright.

i'm starting to see things, but also, haven't slept in a few days.

so maybe i've got cancer, millions of tumors throughout the body breaking everything down & maybe my mind is deteriorating, maybe every damn thing is in my head but you know what,

mostly, i feel alright.

before & after