& in that moment, i swear we were infinite.

so here's the thing.

i'm back.

i guess i took a little trip to sap-land the past few months, i mean in my own way i've been harsh, but something in me was wrong.

i'm back now. not upset over soldiers, because i gave up on him.

a few of you on here have been reading long enough to know me pretty well. you know i've never given up on a person in my life. (side note - i'm thinking about getting all my old readers back, suddenly it seems important to have people around that know me.)

but i gave up on this guy. & i don't mean relationship-wise. i do that all the damn time. i mean honestly, i've been left by...what, one out of HOW many guys?

but i gave up on him as a person. i believe that he is beyond my reach, & damn that has to be a cold place to live.

i finally met someone who i could honestly deem as hopeless, who doesn't really feel me, or anyone else. just some ghosts, & ghosts never bring about the warm fuzzies.

he made me a little antisocial, because after a long run of apathy i was really concerned with feeling. i'm done with that, i've got more friends than i can count, & they're the people that make me alright. & when i'm feeling like a less-than-good person, i can pretty much deceive any guy i choose to deceive.

if you've really been following me the past few years...i can sum up a lot of what's been going on lately in one word: matt.

trouble, maybe. only not for me. suddenly i'm worried i might hurt him? i don't know, it's all good fun.

i'm thinking about becoming dishonest again.

i look forward to having a really good time this coming year.

i'm seventeen years old. i'm on top of the damn world, so wish me luck.

before & after