there goes one statement of faith down the drain.

all i want is for you to care. all i want is some evidence, that this isn't meaningless.

DRIVING THE DISTANCE ON SELECT WEEKENDS ISNT ENOUGH IF YOU HURT ME ALL THOSE WEEKS

i haven't heard from him in six days, he has access to the internet every day at work, so maybe, this is meaningless.

i don't want it to be.

the thing is, i always know what the right thing to do is. & what i want...they're always the same thing.

but now, i know i have to leave. it'll never be worth it, no matter how amazing it is when i'm with him, i can't knowingly put myself up to be hurt that badly so often.

but i don't want to leave.

i want things to be alright again, & i want to know he'll come see me whenever he can. i want to kiss him, & hold hands while he drives. i want to cuddle, & have unromantic sex in the back of his car.

i want to believe him when he says that he'll never hurt me, even unintentionally.

but the thing is, he already did.

before & after