if i saw you dancing, i would spin you around.

he would marry me as soon as i turn 18, & it scares me.

but it's thrilling. & comforting.

we made out, talked, ate, & cuddled for eleven hours.

until yesterday, i wasn't aware of the fact that i've never been close with anyone. not really.

i knew i'd never been comfortable, but close? i guess i just thought i'd been there.

yesterday, i was close & i was comfortable.

i'm not saying it was one of those things where it wasn't physical. it was totally physical, & we were both going crazy from the sex that wasn't being had.

but then i could just lay there with my head on his chest & he'd keep his arm around me.

& even though we were watching a comedy, everytime there was a clown he'd pull me in close so i couldn't see the tv, because i am deathly afraid of clowns.

then when it was gone, he'd move his arms, kiss the top of my head & say, "it's okay now."

this morning i could still smell his cologne in my hair.

i don't know how this all happened. but i am grateful that it did.

i never really felt loved until yesterday.

before & after